It takes a village…
There is an African saying that says “it takes a village to raise a child”. The idea is that it takes a supportive community, working together to provide a child with everything they need to become a happy and healthy adult. The same goes for supporting someone who is struggling with mental health challenges, you can’t take on the sole responsibility for helping your loved one – you need a village. In this context the village is there to provide your loved one with the expertise and help that they need, and also to provide you with a support system that can help you deal with your feelings and ensure that you don’t burn out by reducing your stress and enhancing your resiliency.
Like your individual relationships, your support system will change and evolve over time and it is important to ensure that you have people in your sphere who are able to help and support your changing needs. Your support system should not only include family and friends, it should encompass people from a variety of backgrounds, with differing perspectives and expertise that you can rely on for practical, emotional and informational support. These are people who will help you to see issues and challenges from a variety of perspectives, give you advice and just listen when needed.
The following are things to keep in mind when developing your support system:
Determine what supports you need?
- Practical Support: People who can help you to complete the basic tasks associated with everyday life such as household chores, childcare, financial assistance, respite care, transportation, etc.
- Emotional Support: People who are empathetic, understanding and let you know you are not alone. They are people who you can rely on to be encouraging, to validate you and who give you hope.
- Informational Support: People who can be helpful in those moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn. Someone who can provide you with information and resources regarding your loved one’s illness, help you navigate the mental health system or give advice on possible next steps.
Determine who can help you so you can have your needs met?
It is highly unlikely you will find everything you need in one person, or from within your immediate circle of family or friends so you will want to include people from a variety of different backgrounds. These can include:
- Informal supports: These are people with whom you have personal connections. These are the people that you turn to for comfort, advice or help and may include friends, co-workers, neighbours or family.
- Formal supports: These are professionals who provide you and/or your loved one with services. They are trained professionals with expertise in a variety of areas and may include doctors, nurses, social workers or counsellors.
- Unique Support: These are individuals or groups from the community at large. This could include caregiver support groups, cultural groups or spiritual groups.
| What I need? | Who? | How? |
| To vent to someone | My best friend | Over coffee or phone |
| To learn new coping strategies | Professionals/ support groups | Book appt with psychologist, sign up for support group |
| Cleaning | My other children, | Will make a chore chart |
| Respite | Husband/girlfriends | Will plan to go on a girls day once a week |
| Adapted from Mental Health Caregiver Guide: Ottawa Public Health | ||
Tell your supporters how they can help you.
While it may seem obvious to you how others can help, most people don’t intuitively know what you need and would appreciate the guidance. Try to be as brief and specific as possible to make sure that they know what you need the most. You will probably be surprised by how many people there are who want to help and support you, but they just don’t know how.
Accept Help!
As caregivers we are used to trying to handle things on our own. You may believe that no one else can take care of your loved one, that no one understands and that you are strong enough to manage. The truth is that everyone needs help sometimes and it isn’t always possible to do everything on our own. There are times when things will simply be too hard and it is in these moments when asking for and accepting help becomes an important part of our own selfcare. Taking help from others isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a sign of your strength and resiliency.
To learn more about the supports available for Caregivers, contact Streamlined Access at 289-340-0348 to speak to our Family Caregiver Navigator.